The End Days of Advertising

Nor did they repent of their murders, their magic arts, their sexual immorality or their thefts.
Day 25: Account Executive’s Movember porn ‘stache makes Friday afternoon media planning session considerably less boring when aroused Buyer suddenly demands several additional insertions.

Day 25: Account Executive’s Movember porn ‘stache makes Friday afternoon media planning session considerably less boring when aroused Buyer suddenly demands several additional insertions.

Day 24: Hipster Art Director hoping his spiffy new vintage suit will distract colleagues from the fact that he hasn’t come up with a single goddamn usable ad concept in six months.

Day 24: Hipster Art Director hoping his spiffy new vintage suit will distract colleagues from the fact that he hasn’t come up with a single goddamn usable ad concept in six months.

Day 23: Observing cross-country focus groups behind one-way glass, unseen Brand Manager silently endures the casual racism of the elderly small-town participants who are his best customers.

Day 23: Observing cross-country focus groups behind one-way glass, unseen Brand Manager silently endures the casual racism of the elderly small-town participants who are his best customers.

Day 22: Senior Copywriter signals creative team with traditional “let’s get totally baked on company time and bill it to the client as ‘brainstorming’” gesture.

Day 22: Senior Copywriter signals creative team with traditional “let’s get totally baked on company time and bill it to the client as ‘brainstorming’” gesture.

Day 21: New Director, Client Services, gives a visionary presentation about the future of social brands and the role of the Agency as thought leader—complete with 22-slide Powerpoint deck of charts, graphs, and global best practices—while her seasoned team spends the whole time trying to figure out if she’s wearing a bra.

Day 21: New Director, Client Services, gives a visionary presentation about the future of social brands and the role of the Agency as thought leader—complete with 22-slide Powerpoint deck of charts, graphs, and global best practices—while her seasoned team spends the whole time trying to figure out if she’s wearing a bra.

Day 20: Turns out attempted “flash mob”, for edgy Italian clothing brand during morning Mass, technically a “hate crime”.

Day 20: Turns out attempted “flash mob”, for edgy Italian clothing brand during morning Mass, technically a “hate crime”.

Day 19: At awards ceremony, gloating Team forgets to thank obscure Latvian agency from whom winning concept was “borrowed”.

Day 19: At awards ceremony, gloating Team forgets to thank obscure Latvian agency from whom winning concept was “borrowed”.

Day 18: Two weeks without Casual Sex Friday forces randy Account Manager to prove that he, too, is creative. But will “Drunkenly Masturbate Under Your Desk While Surfing Furry Porn Fridays” have the same memetic virality with the primary target audience? Only one way to find out…

Day 18: Two weeks without Casual Sex Friday forces randy Account Manager to prove that he, too, is creative. But will “Drunkenly Masturbate Under Your Desk While Surfing Furry Porn Fridays” have the same memetic virality with the primary target audience? Only one way to find out…

Day 17: Agency Producer finally off the coke.

Day 17: Agency Producer finally off the coke.

Day 16: Desperate to get on Ads of The World, Creative Team brainstorms on how to work a bare-breasted model into their adult diaper direct mail assignment.

Day 16: Desperate to get on Ads of The World, Creative Team brainstorms on how to work a bare-breasted model into their adult diaper direct mail assignment.

Day 15: Social Media Community Manager’s attempt to crowdsource sassy teen tampon campaign results in uncomfortable Facebook sausage fest.

Day 15: Social Media Community Manager’s attempt to crowdsource sassy teen tampon campaign results in uncomfortable Facebook sausage fest.

Day 14: Monday morning, for marginally-functional alcoholic CD, indistinguishable from Friday afternoon.

Day 14: Monday morning, for marginally-functional alcoholic CD, indistinguishable from Friday afternoon.

Day 13: Account Director’s Sunday dinner invitation by creepy twin Clients to meet their mother results in drunken misunderstandings, hurt feelings, loss of AOR.

Day 13: Account Director’s Sunday dinner invitation by creepy twin Clients to meet their mother results in drunken misunderstandings, hurt feelings, loss of AOR.

Day 12: Account Coordinator puts on best suit, drives off to empty Agency on Saturday morning, just to simultaneously impress and get rid of the ad student he hooked up with last night.

Day 12: Account Coordinator puts on best suit, drives off to empty Agency on Saturday morning, just to simultaneously impress and get rid of the ad student he hooked up with last night.

Day 11: “Casual Sex Friday” returns, but only for those two women in Accounting. Next week’s payroll can wait.

Day 11: “Casual Sex Friday” returns, but only for those two women in Accounting. Next week’s payroll can wait.